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| 12.27.02
Listening to.... Something Corporate "Konstantine" and neutral milk hotel "The King of Carrot Flowers Pt. One" over and over and over and over |
i feel like I'm reliving the same day over and over making the same mistakes and restarting the next morning with the feeling ive done this all before but i dont remember how i did it last time so i dont know what variable to change or exactly how i get this endless loop to stop. i always end up in these comfort routines that turn my life into a total bore and end up excluding everyone around me until i realize how truely alone i really am. im putting this endless working cycle to a close. im going to lose everyone ive ever loved because its easier to be in an environment that i get gratification for everything i do and theyre is a definate progress bar that shows me im doing things right. work is easy. i get up go in get things accomplished cross them off the endless list and keep going until it gets dark again then i get in my car and drive home braindead and numb. unable to interact with anyone because the way you communicate to a computer is the exact opposite of the human counterpart. again i am a machine. i am a tool. but heres the breaking point. this breakdown of my human structure has gotten all the way to its furthest reach. poosickles im gonna change that.
NOTE TO SELF: Embrace the Fall... and Enjoy the Destruction.
NOTE TO OTHERS: Saturday is my birthday punk. |
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